


A Drink To The End

by RageHappyThunder



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-08
Updated: 2013-11-08
Packaged: 2017-12-31 21:39:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1036680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RageHappyThunder/pseuds/RageHappyThunder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray is attempting to commit suicide and Joel accidentally walks in on him or catches him in the act without meaning to, and saves him so their relationship builds from that encounter eventually</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Drink To The End

Ray breathed out in a heavy sigh, his eyes becoming half lidded as he leaned back in his chair. The palm of his hands passed over the the top of his head and his fingers clasped behind him for a split second before dropping his hands at his sides.

He felt restless. He felt bored? Maybe tired.

Maybe he felt a whirlwind of emotions, emotions that tangled together into knots and choked his neck like noose, but his body wasn’t strong enough to drag him down so he’s stuck in this limbo of choking and gasping for air but not quite dying and Ray would do anything to make it stop.

He took a bottle of alcohol from the company’s cabinet, and studied it in his hand. He sighed and put it back, he didn’t know what he was doing, he didn’t even want this.

“Getting the alcohol urge aren’t you kid?” Joel said with a smirk and Ray jolted out of his skin, a peak anxiety setting in the bottom of his stomach and making his skin prickle, until he realized that Joel couldn’t read his mind.

He put on a big smile, “Naw,” he said, making a face, “Just wondering why you guys drink this piss.”

Joel smiled and took a sip of the coke bottle in his hand, he winked at Ray, “Don’t worry, it’ll be out little secret.” Just like that, the older man disappeared back into the office, not to be seen until who knows when. Ray sighed.

That was a close one.

Ray started to feel off and amiss and the worse part was that he wasn’t a stranger to this feeling; he used to get it a lot when he was a kid, it was a mix of of salty tears and bitter loneliness when he’s staring at a TV screen for five or more hours a night.

It was a sinking feeling, like there was an anchor in Ray’s stomach but he wasn’t quite drowning. (He wasn’t swimming either, and there was water trying to get into his mouth and sharks that were at bay for the moment, but they would strike at any moment and Ray knows this.)

This isn’t about his job. Ray loves his job, he feels happy to have his dream job, ecstatic to not be broke in New York anymore, his friends are wonderful and he wouldn’t trade them for the world and his fans love him and Ray couldn’t ask for anything else. This isn’t about his job, this is about Ray, and this is about how, no matter how his life seems to be going up and that he’s on top of the world he still feels like he’s on rock bottom. He thinks maybe if he rides this out for a while, it’ll go away and he’ll reach his destination: happiness.

But he never does, he feels like he’s on a never ending train ride and it’s getting faster and faster until he just can’t take it anymore.

He never lets it show. He’ll laugh at the office, he’ll be upbeat in videos, but he’s just a mess outside of work. Really, he should have been an actor.

(Speaking of actors.)

“Hey Ray.” There’s a warm hand on Ray’s shoulder and he puts on a smirk.  
“Yo it’s donut!”  
“I’m caboose.”  
“That’s the orange guy right?” Joel put two hands, one on each shoulder, and shook Ray a bit.

“What’s the matter?” Ray feels that anchor in his stomach drag him underwater for a second.

“What do you mean?” Ray asked innocently, and he hoped Joel would drop it.

Joel paused and studied Ray’s face a while, “Aw, nothing, I’m just old and para-noid.” Joel mocked himself, saying the sentence in a sing song voice. He reached his hand and ruffled Ray’s hair. Joel turned on his heels and made his way to his office, hoping he didn’t come off as a creep, Ray wondered if Joel would pet his head again if he asked. (He didn’t ask.)

Ray was tired. He felt insignificant. Stupid. Worthless. All of this untrue but he had convinced himself that it was.

He took that bottle of alcohol out of the cabinet and slipped it in his backpack.

(He felt like a dirty thief, but he knew no one would miss the bottle.)

Ray stared at the bottle when he got home and put it on his kitchen counter right within reach. But he refused to do anything with it, not tonight.

So he went to work, talked to friends, had the occasional conversation with Joel, went home showered, stared at the bottle, went to sleep, failed to go to sleep, mind’s too busy; why is his mind so fucking busy?

So one night he breaks routine, and the bottle’s cork comes off with a pop, and he rattles the container in his hand, and endless number of pills colliding with the plastic to make a sound.

So he takes a handful, and a swing of the bitter liquid.

He wonders if he should make a note.

He repeats this again, he wasn’t crying, he refused to go out like a /bitch/. His eyes are blank and he’s staring at the wall in front of him.

His phone makes a sound.

He wants to ignore it, really he does, but the phone goes off in a rapid succession and there’s only one person in the whole wide world who texts like that.

So he reaches for it, and slides to unlock it.

_(10:23PM):  
Listen kid_

__

_(10:23PM):_

_I was thinking_

__

_(10:23PM):_

_I should probably teach you who my character is_

__

_(10:23PM):_

_Right? So mayve_

__

_(10:23PM):_

_I’m not even goinf to correct that_

__

_(10:24PM):_

_Maybe you shoudl come over_

__

_(10:24PM):_

_And watch re-rund with me_

__

_(10:24PM):_

_Because $YOLO right?_

__

_(10:24PM):_

_I meant #_

__

_(10:25PM):_

_You know what I meant_

__

_(10:25PM):_

_But you don’t have to_

__

_(10:25PM):_

_I’m like 18 years older_

__

Ray took a shaky breath, his face was scrunched up and he felt like calling Joel, crying and pouring his heart out into him, but he didn’t want to scare him away. He didn’t want to be a bother, he’d take care of himself, by  _himself._

_Sent at (10:25PM):_

_Joel you dork_

Ray smiled a bit, inhaling a shaky breath.

_(10:26PM):_

_What? Do you want to or not?_

_Sent at (10:26PM):_

_…I’d love to, Joel. Really. :)_

_(10:30PM):_

_Okay_

Ray emptied the rest of the bottle into his drain, he put his phone to his forehead and hit himself lightly with it. Future plans, he just made future plans.

His stomach felt like acid was poured into him.

So he ran to his bathroom and tried to throw up the pills, a wave of stupidity washing over him, he remembered his friends, how maybe they’d miss him. He remembered a shit ton of happy things, his mind dizzy with all his thoughts and how violently he was throwing up.

He wondered if that was from the alcohol.

(A bit of blood was coughed up; but do we need to talk about that?)

_(10:50PM):_

_Should I come get you now?_

__

_(10:50PM):_

_Or later?_

__

_(10:50PM):_

_We can squeeze in a few episodes_

__

_(10:59PM):_

_already at your door with the box set._

__

Ray forgot to lock his door, his stomach dropped with that familiar anchor feeling as he heard the front door open and he wonders if he could die from drowning in a toilet seat.

“Ray?” A voice echoed in the seemingly empty apartment. Ray wanted to disappear, him throwing up was not attractive and he didn’t want Joel to see him like this.

But he couldn’t stop.

And he felt a familiar warm hand on his back.

“Jesus kid, if you really wanted to start drinking you should have told me, we could have went out for drinks.”  

He thinks it’s a drinking thing.

“I guess moderations your first lesson.” Joel cracked a weak smile.

Eventually, Ray fell backwards, face red from vomiting and his eyes were watery, Joel stroking his back asking him if he was better. Ray’s head felt dizzy still and his mind cloudy but he thinks he’ll live so he gives a curt nod.

Joel tells him to shower so he’ll feel better, saying that because Joel’s a ‘drinking master’ he could probably whip something up in the kitchen to make his stomach stop churning.

“You don’t need to do that.” Ray was slurring, he’s never slurred in his life, he can still think semi-clearly though but his body has slowed down. He feels like the world is going in slow motion.

“I know I don’t, but I want to.” So Joel saunters into the kitchen, closing the bathroom door behind him.

He’s very unfamiliar with what’s in the cabinets though. Sure, he’s been here before, a few times before but like right now he’s snooping through the poor kids fucking kitchen. He feels a bit wrong, like maybe he shouldn’t have barged in here but part of him is glad that he did.

He’s the first one to see drunk Ray.

Well, pissed drunk Ray who was throwing up but still. Joel wonders what kind of drunk he is. Maybe he’ll say some funny shit.

Fucking make the drink Joel.

So Joel opens every fucking cabinet, and leaves it open, takes out half the shit that’s in the refrigerator. He wonders is Ray likes sweet things.  He starts mixing, trying to remember the thing his dad made him the first time he got drunk oh manthat was a long time ago.

Joel wonders if he should be making friends his own age, but he’s not very intent on being Ray’s friend and sometimes he feels like a creeper for it but Ray’s laid back; maybe if Joel kids himself for long enough he’ll convince himself that Ray wants to give him a chance.

(Ray’s shower, in the meantime, is not hot enough to burn but hot enough to sting and he wonders if he’s done the right thing.)

The drink Joel made has a greenish tint to it, so he taps on the kitchen counter and waits for Ray to pop out of the showers.

He sees the empty bottle.

There’s no way in hell he drank all of that.

He also sees a half empty pill bottle.

He throws both those things away, the gears in his head turning.

Ray? Never. He wouldn’t dare try.

….

Would he?

Ray comes out, new baggy shirt and boxers on, he’s yawning and swaying with each step, a miserable look on his face and Joel swears he sees tear stains. He pushes the drink forward and gives Ray and expectant look, the younger grimaces.

“I’m not.”  
“But you are.” Joel put on a smile but a million things were going through his head.

Was Ray going to off himself tonight?

He takes the glass and puts it up to his lips, Joel gives him a nod of encouragement and he takes a sip.

It’s not that bad, so he takes a big gulp.

He feels so fucking tired.

“Ray?” Joel asks and the younger tired to avoid his gaze, “I found some pills.” Ray’s going to have a heart attack.

“No.”  
“No?”

“I don’t want to talk about this.” Looking down, lacking better judgment and honestly just not giving a fuck, Ray outstretched his arms.

And Joel fit perfectly like a missing puzzle piece, resting his chin on Ray’s head, holding him close as Ray buried his face in Joel’s chest, Joel rubbed Ray’s back.

(Ray did not cry, what made you think that.)

Ray did mutter ‘I’m sorries’ into the air, and Joel just shushed him, trying to calm him down.

(Joel was frowning, wondering what could have driven Ray to attempt to do this.)

Joel threaded his hand through Ray’s hair, and Ray seemed to melt into the touch so Joel kept doing it.

(Joel’s been wanting to touch Ray for a while, but not like this.)

Joel stayed the night, calling them both sick for work, waking Ray up when he passed the back of his hand over Ray’s cheek, his eyes fluttering open.

“I’m sorry.”  
“No don’t be,” Joel sighed heavily, Ray waited for this to get awkward, “I want you get get a check up or something, make sure nothing is wrong with your stomach.”

“I’m pretty sure I threw up all the pills Joel.”

“You don’t feel funny?”  
“Yeah but that’s from the alcohol.” Ray passed his hand over Joel’s cheek, “I’m fine really,” He yawned, “Did you stay here all night?”  
“Yeah.” Joel breathed out.

Ray’s hair was sticking up in every direction possible, his skin was flushed a dull pink color from either being /sick/ or embarrassment, his eyes droopy with sleep and he flashed Joel a half-assed smile.

“What are you staring at?”

“The most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” Ray looked away.

“Don’t tell me lies to try and make me feel better I fucking-”  
“No, sorry. I. No I’m not sorry because it’s the truth and I’ve thought it was the truth for a long-ass while now. And I just. I really. I really want to hit it up with you but if you’re feeling down and just need a friend I don’t even know what I’m saying.”

(But I think Ray did know, so they made pancakes and Joel told Ray about how amazing he is, and about how lucky he is to know him.)

 

((Eventually, he was lucky enough to be with him.))


End file.
